Through the window to my world

Moving on

2008-10-21T17:32:00.000+08:00

New life, new blog.

let it roll.

hmmm....

2007-12-08T17:02:00.000+08:00

its been close to a year. While its true i've moved on and started being happier, things are definitely not the same.
Been thinking back alot recently. Back to the accident scene, back to when it all started. and also some things that i shouldnt have held to heart as well. Guess i do want to take this chance to apologise to a person whom i've been rather unfair to. Alot of emotions were involved, and particularly shortly before the accident things were not going with with her and seng either. Lots of misunderstanding and pettiness as well. Come to think of it, its no point letting things be like this either. Better to have a friend than an enemy right?
So, i dunno if she's reading this, but hey, i'm sorry for being that emotional wreck the past year ok? I know it wasnt fair to her either cuz it wasnt her fault. It was an excuse on my part to dislike her cuz of her misunderstanding with seng. What's over is over. Nothing can be done to change the past, but at least something can be done about the future. What i really hope now is that we'll all call it a truce. Even if we cant be friends, but we wont be enemies. :) And i think that'll let seng rest in peace too. really miss seng...... :(

Other than that,
this hols will be kept really busy!! brandstorm, violin, church and so on!!! bleah.... i want a holiday.....

so true...

2007-11-08T00:02:00.000+08:00

took a test on facebook... hahah.... and i think its pretty accurate. and i DONT find anything wrong with the analysis.

Temperament
Idealist
You are the quintessential dreamer - spending more time thinking about the possibilities that the world holds for you, rather than your reality. You don't settle for anything less than what you truly desire and you work very hard. You tend to live in every place except the present - you are prone to daydreaming about the future and re-thinking the choices you made in the past. Sometimes you get overly caught up in your thoughts.
Interests
Simple
You are continually pursuing a simpler and less complicated life - you don't allow yourself to fall victim to all of the "should do's" that society continually bombards you with. You are thoughtful about your life choices and think in terms of yourself, others and the world in which we live. You have a great sense that we are part of something much bigger and we must be good to others, if we want others and the world to be good to us.
Amusement
Thoughtful
You are easily stressed out and overwhelmed - you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Because you tend to be self reflective, you know your limits quite well and must remember to not exceed those limits. When you overwhelm your life with obligations and responsibilities, you tend to shut down and go into yourself even further. Take some time to find your serenity and kick back your feet.
Passion
Physical
You are a cuddle bug - from a warm hug shared with your best friend to steamy sex with your partner, you enjoy every bit of human contact that you can get. You demonstrate your love for others most fluidly through physical one-on-one contact and you feel the most loved when you are being touched. You feel disconnected when you are physically isolated from others. You're a people person and a lover of all things human.

An entire week wasted

2007-09-30T16:43:00.000+08:00

One would have thought the term break means loads of free time to catch up on school work, but guess its not true after all... spent two entire days in finishing school... mostly a waste of time. pretty good for catching up on lost sleep though. then another few more days with high fever out of nowhere. *i wished for a moment the stock market had gone up the way my temperature did*

then another few days not doing anything productive at all and it is now that last day of term break. bleah. tutorials and revisions not done.

this reminds me of lots of other stuff not done as well. pictures. somehow a valiant attempt to update my blog with pictures has dwindled to a sheer determination that is only mental.

one day, i'll just lump all those pictures together into one entire blog post. haha.

quite alot of things running through my mind now, wondering at possibilities that are endless.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE BRO!!!

2007-09-23T17:16:00.000+08:00

Especially for my little brother, he's 14 as of today!! welcome to teenage life xiao di... its kinda sad to not be able to celebrate for him.. been quite a few birthdays away from home without his two sisters... but well, despite being the irritating little thing he usually is, we still love him!
guess he'll just have to wait til dec for a birthday treat then.
funny thing about my little brother is how he has become soooo vain over the years. apparently he had a haircut yesterday and he hated the look of it. came home crying and refused to go to school next week. damn funny.
part of growing up i guess... at least he bothers about his image unlike most guys i know... hahaahhaha... :p

enough slacking for now. gotta get back to writing my term paper. *boring*

a long time since

2007-09-19T15:24:00.000+08:00

Been a long while since i last updated. almost forgot my password too...lots been going on. ups and downs...

damn sian now. sitting in MA tutorial stressing about all the work i gotta do, my obviously flunked finance quiz, flattened car, insurance payment, road tax payment, insurance excess payments, school fees, bills and what not.

and getting even more affected by the reactions of some people. gonna crack soon. waking up everyday and feeling that invisible pressure upon me. maybe that explains the multiple heartburns i've been having. too much to bear.
dun wanna be too close cuz dun wanna feel sad. i'll stay away and give you peace and a stressfree life.

i need comfort.

lots of it.

anyone knows where i can get some proper TLC??

wonderful how utterly sian people can be

2007-08-25T14:22:00.000+08:00

too lazy to compose a post for now..., so here's another email i got....

Jeff and Karen were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,
Jeff
suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the
pool
and stayed there.
Karen promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and
pulled Jeff out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Karen's heroic act, she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she
now
considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Karen the news she said, "Karen, I have good
news and bad news."
"The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to
rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of
another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you
have
a sound mind."
"The bad news is, Jeff, the patient you saved, hung himself in the
bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so
sorry, but he's dead."
Karen replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?"

too much

2007-08-16T22:16:00.000+08:00

sian.

utterly sian.

talking horse

2007-08-01T11:37:00.001+08:00

A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the
head with a frying pan.

Man: What was that for?

Wife: That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I
found in your pants pocket.

Man: When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the
horse I bet on.

The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later, the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on
the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon
re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.

Wife: Your horse phoned!!!

screw life.

2007-07-31T22:39:00.000+08:00

yep. so that was it. end of excitement, everything goes back to normal. stuff like this just fizzles and dies out after a short period of time and ends up blending into your life like it has always been there.

so. normal blogging then.

oweek. programmes booklet, done. ticket, done. logistics, almost done. dean's evening.........

music. detailed programme list. individual responsibilities. pageant stuff. oweek video. stuff and logos to prepare on live projection. pageant tags. sms voting coordination.

hell i still have lots to do.

on a cheery note.

2007-07-25T00:41:00.000+08:00

this july feels really long. so bored i decided to dig up whatever i found forwarded to my hotmail. so cut and paste.

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:-)

:-(

Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"
Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

you want updates? u've got updates.

2007-07-25T00:23:00.000+08:00

once the excitement washes out and leaves an empty shell behind, you can't help but wonder if it all happened in the face of competition.

no expectation. no expectation. no expectation.

hopefully that'll work.

i'm being paranoid. haha.

stressed.

2007-07-19T10:57:00.000+08:00

LIST OF THINGS TO DO

1) Programmes booklet
- sponsor logos
- still waiting for final notes to put in. i need this to go out for printing soon!!!

2) Dean's evening
- manpower allocation
- everything else (thanks katie darling for working so hard. think i'd have died if you were'nt around.

3) Pageant coordination
- topshop sponsors
- sms voting issue
- food
- rehearsals

4) Logistics
- bus chartering. need to confirm asap as well
- food. i hope danny has sent out the email.
- drinks. gonna settle this tml.

5) Dean's evening performance
- need a hell lot of practice

6) Jam and Hop

7) My apparel business
- no details but just a hell lot of work to do for that.

8) i know i missed out something i'm supposed to do, but there's just too much that i really cant remember. i hope its not a very important thing or i'm so gonna be screwed.

CHERYL IS FREAKING STRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but at least, thank god for you. that's the only thing keeping me sane now.

blogging from grandma's

2007-07-18T10:59:00.000+08:00

yep. just got to my grandma's place after prayers. thank god my cousin replied his sms... if not i'll just be rotting at my grandma's. muaha.

hmm, the K810i has really short battery life. haha.. thats not a good sign for me.

online with my mushi now. its really ironic. its like, my leaving church didnt seem to matter at all until everyone else left church. simply put, coming to talk to me now only gives me the impression ecf's trying to pull back whoever they can.
no way man. way too hypocritical. sorry if it doesnt sound nice but that's how it comes across. hopefully a new church would be different. cuz i still believe in God. just cant stand the human nature and church politics.

ah well... i'm outta there so it doesnt matter. i'm not going back. went back too many times and been disappointed as many times. maybe thats why i lost faith for a while too.

now? we'll see how things go then.

the power of prayer

2007-07-16T23:57:00.000+08:00

its amazing how things change in a matter of days. a few days ago, i still didnt know what to do with my life. Nothing was for sure, and life was just aimless and dependant on other things.

i prayed, and God gave me an answer. Maybe that explains the sudden change of perspective. i couldnt really believe it myself, but guess this is how God works.

John 15:7
If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.

and within that day, God gave me you. So i thank Christ Jesus that he opened my eyes from darkness to light, and showed me you.

thanks for having been there all along through my darkest hours and never giving up on me. =)

photo updates

2007-07-16T00:08:00.001+08:00

nothing much to say. just lotsa pictures!

The beautiful nice people!! Alex, royston. me, emelind, peggy and JK!!

funny faces, but still looking good!

the guys in the pool! with alot of naked kids running around...

lovely scenery at vivo!

coffee jointers!

taken after the show: me, emelind and peggy!!

we love funny faces!

commencement dinner : YY, yongz and kenny!

this time with me in the pics!

cheers! drank quite a bit of red wine that night... :p

lydia and me!

ELame!!

:) to world's end

2007-07-14T23:46:00.000+08:00

Life opens up many opportunities on the way. its really a matter of how you look at each chance u're given. some take those chances, others leave it to eternal remorse.

Life has given me my fair share of opportunities, and til now, i've never regretted any of my decisions. Particularly now. never been as happy as the last few days for a long time already.

what happened over the past year, especially in the last few months has opened up lots to me. and i treasure what i have now. i never thought life could still hold this much meaning for me til now. and i'm really really glad.

나는 행복하다신 저를 주었다마빈.

discovered that BD actually has a really really cute character. haha. totally irresistible!!

status update:

a surging feeling of joy and anticipation, and its snowballing and unstoppable.
i know i'll be smiling even in my sleep. thats how much life means to me right now.

for the word says.

2007-07-12T23:14:00.000+08:00

haha. apologies about the angry post. was too pissed off to think properly at that time. seriously thinking about it, no point being pissed for too long. forgive and forget i guess. hopefully it goes the same for the other party. cuz there comes a time when its just no point pissing each other off and just having negative feelings all the time.
so there.. let go and it feels so much better. dun wanna become too caught up in this political frenzy either. :) so yepz. no hard feelings anymore. not that i'll take the initiative to strike up random conversations, but at least i'm not gonna have feelings of dislike. just neutral.

other stuff, i dunno. lots lately, just dunno where to start from. some things gotta go. and just one thing that brightened up my day. :)

7-11 would have sounded better, but guess thats not a really big issue. :p haha.

i love my dad.

2007-07-11T01:10:00.000+08:00

of all things that pissed me off today, i'll try to forget about it. but dont ever try step on my toes or i promise you i wont let it go.

back to daddy. he's been totally sweet nowadays. big change... i wonder if its cuz turning 21 really means freedom. or maybe its the incident with my sis.

either way, guess he realised u can never keep your children on too tight a leash.
been coming home pretty late these days but he wasnt anywhere near what he used to be. the last time i checked, i had an 8pm curfew. and now, i just got home. time report: 1.10am.

but then again, he knew about my rehearsal today so that probably didnt really count.
haha. his comment on the job was oh you get paid for doing catwalks? do they want me?

lmaoz. dad can be pretty cool about everything when he wants to be. about the business too. it used to be so hard to get his support but now i have full support in everything! lovin it!

hmmm... he suggested i take up NOC to shanghai even though its for a year. then again, shanghai is nearer to shenzhen than singapore. haha. now i'm in a dilemma. NOC? or just SEP?

i do love my mum too. this post is not just about dad.

REVAMPED!!

2007-07-06T15:28:00.000+08:00

FINALLY CHANGED MY BLOGSKIN!!!

and with special thanks to xiao hong and FP! thanks for the problem-solving tutorials!!

other news, saw tong wei at the nomura equity cocktail yesterday while working.
super happy to see her cuz she's the only person i knew there. kinda intimidating talking to all the big shots but its a start at learning to network.

Status update:
munching on salad.

mum's been feeding me lotsa salads lately. its either a health freak issue or she's just reading too much about modelling.

missed movie opportunitieS

2007-07-04T23:34:00.000+08:00

hah. met up the gang last night. quite cool...cuz rod's back!!! with a funky new hairstyle. oh my.. didnt recognise him at all la. see what exchange in africa did to him! plus, new addition to the gang, guang hua.. apparently my senior in bizad but i have never seen him before!!! anywayz, so long never see them and kena suan by the 5 guys la! irritating... then gs had to go recount how we all got to know each other. exaggerate like crazy la that guy!!!! sian. just being present gave them the liberty of suanning me for 2 hours non-stop. pek chek. haha.
dinner ended too early to go home... and we ended up at

Clementi KBOX!! and in the same room as last friday!! traumatic. gonna be there again next week to help li wei. haha.

met cai for lunch today too. cuz i was at raffles area for casting in the morn, and happened to be msging cai too so randomly lunched together. sorry i couldnt watch movie with u dude! next week or something la.

oh yes, speaking of which, marv was rite about the movie issue. got about 5 offers to go watch movie but i cant go!!! cuz they all clash with all my appointments! damn.
ah well. not fated lo. alot of things seem not fated these days.

anywayz, met up xav and co after lunch. had a nice long chat at starbucks and discovered a whole lot of stuff i never noticed before. kinda changed my impression about things. ah well, its good now. and prob gonna go church hunting together!!! happening! but if i go with them this sunday then its gonna be at expo. -_-!!! will die travelling there man.

status update:
unstable, but doing well.

can you do it too?

2007-07-04T00:59:00.001+08:00

OH MY GOD........

She is damn ZAI!!!

ironic

2007-07-03T00:32:00.001+08:00

haha. oh check this out. *so many things today!! sorry bout the triple posting. feeling a little naggy today.*

Danny just sent me a christian song titled "hope" out of the blue. its a really nice song and kinda matches the events in my life now.

then, just saw this from facebook. "As hard as it might be, now's the time to end a dead-end relationship. it's more effort than its worth, and it's not making u happy, so cut it loose."

haha. ok not that i'm even in any relationship now, but still. pretty ironic la.
let's just wait for a true sign from heaven then. lmaoz.

single and looking

2007-07-02T23:50:00.000+08:00

hey i do want a bf u know. haha.. its always nice to have your own space and everything but nothing beats having that special someone. so i'm off and looking!

if u see any potentials please put me on alert. lmaoz.

cant do anything bout the past but at least do something about my future right? need that control over my life now. its not gonna be ruled by others. If i cant change your mind then at least i can do something else.

lets try see if marv was right about my 2 smses. haha.

gotta meet up with danny tooo.. lots to settle for now. busy busy!!!
so yep, i'll still be super busy and settle everything while i'm single, then see if God blesses me along the way with the one.

gonna go to danny's church this sunday too. :) been a long time and i'm actually quite happy bout going back to church. just hope its the right church this time =)
danny owes me dinner anywayz. hee :p

status update:

what's more to say. single and looking!
just a casual walk along life's road and see what comes along :)

chermini for the day
"if the door u wanna go through is locked, and you have no idea where to get the key, then maybe its time to turn and explore the other routes that are beckoning to you. at least those are the doors you have the key to."

own up!

2007-07-02T21:55:00.001+08:00

right, just found out today some people other than the frequent few who read my blog. and i actually tot this blog was quite hidden. so,other than xs, genki, marvin,xiu ting, cai, lele and babe katie, just a shoutout to those reading my blog but havent been acknowledged, do let me know who u are. tag or something. sms me if u have to.
cuz i dun wanna accidentally say anything wrong or misleading. :p

random post with not much content actually.

2007-07-01T23:00:00.000+08:00

been having alot of random thoughts the last few days.

life is really really short and unpredictable. thinking about it, i've really been brooding over lots of issues not within my control at all. and it only makes me feel sadder, more emotional, more stressed.

saw a squashed lizard on the way home today. really gave me the creeps but i was thinking, its about the same with human lives. no one is immortal. so cherish what u've got now cuz it might not be around forever. Do what u wanna do now or u may never get the chance ever again. and then live to regret.

which means, i should just get up and move my ass. its been stuck to the ground for much too long.

chermini horoscope says "if there's not point, then forget there's something called hope" mainly cuz "nothing" is not worth waiting for.

gotta keep myself a constant reminder to not get too emotionally attached or affected. but then again. women are ruled by emotions. *sigh*

either i succumb to mother nature or i believe in the power of the mind.

status update:

cheryl is very confused.

long day

2007-07-01T00:41:00.000+08:00

a whole day filled with oweek stuff. but i woke up feeling really happy and light. my mood hasnt been so for the past week. i think its cuz of the dream i had last night.
its amazing how one dream can change my mood so drastically. but i'm happy with the way i feel now. no obligations to anything, no pain, no suffering, not a care that my hopes would be dashed.
it somehow feels like i can accept whatever u say. of course i still get affected, but at least i'm in a better mood today. and i hope this stays.

i like to feel like this. :) just take everything as it goes. no fear!

lots to do too! daniel just called this morning to ask me to stand in for him. then further obligations that he hasnt gotten clearance from marv yet. let him talk to marv himself though.

helping out with dean's evening too cuz its supposed to be seng's charge initially.

oh and dad's back. =) so that means i'll be getting my post 21st bdae dinner with my entire family!!! happening.

didnt manage to celebrate with quite alot of my friends cuz i was in camp. ah well.. too weird to celebrate now too. i dun feel 21 anywayz. ha. glad to at least have a few trusted friends around though!

status update:

and it seems like my dad has major plans for me. gonna get realy busy if things work. so time to start getting independant somemore!!

PS: i'm not as dependant as u think i am. at least i wont die if i stay alone cuz i'm already stayin on my own. :p just gotta work on the emotional part la. heeee ;)

what do i want?

2007-06-29T00:27:00.000+08:00

interesting point. i just need someone whom i can trust. someone who knows when to protect my identity when need be and not know what's classified information.

other than that, yeah i sure as hell know what i want. i just dont know how to go about it.

gotta start getting over

2007-06-28T01:47:00.000+08:00

lots to think about lately. seeing everyone happy with their lives makes me wonder why i shouldnt be happy with mine as well.
then again, who says i dont like my life? of course its always nice to have a special person to share your ups and downs with you, but maybe its not that necessary?
let's see how things go then. if its meant to be, its meant to be. if not, maybe someone will come along soon so i can get hitched. muaha. cuz sometimes, u just cant sit and wait around. all i can say is that if chances arent taken, then it sucks to regret when u realise its gone. like the old saying, you never learn to treasure til its lost.

anywayz, single life aint that bad.. in the words of cai cai.
at least i've got my business to run, and my part time modelling job. pays pretty well but just not quick enough. been like, 3 months since my first job and i havent gotten paid yet! *broke* its really fun though. =)

gonna start salsa officially this sat! happening!!!!!

morbid

2007-06-26T22:27:00.000+08:00

think i'll just go out later, get drunk and hopefully get knocked down by a car while walking home.
welcome to my funeral. not like it matters anyway.

a few days ago!

2007-06-25T13:48:00.001+08:00

Foc.. most happening event in uni life per annum. and this year, even better! cuz its my 21st birthday!! haha.. really glad to have all my dear friends to be there, though everyone was really tired already. super nice to be celebrating with partner too! forgot to take a picture of the cake i baked for him, but i took a pic of his car! haha.. had a really hard time collecting post it notes with messages from friends. good thing i had nette, bobby and huilin to help decorate his car. quite fun except it started raining like crazy before partner got to see his car. almost wanted to cry cuz i tot all the effort was gone..
anywayz, partner had a lil surprise for me in his room as well! really cool decoration in his room. i loved the light sticks and everything!! partner was there, together with nette, marvin, xiao hong, YY and a few others. *super touched* it was a short but heartwarming party. HAPPY.

thanks everyone for everything! especially to pan pan for the cake, and yes xiao hong for the triple labour pains. hee

yesterday...

2007-06-24T22:52:00.000+08:00

been a busy week with foc and everything. FOC was quite a nostalgic experience. lots of stuff happened during and after FOC last year... ha. dont really want to think about anything for now.

updates on yesterday!!!

the concert is finally over. Played as a guest performer for the NP concert. what can i say, timing was quite bad.. not very well organised too. Went to NP at 10 in the morning, ended up not rehearsing or anything til 4 plus. super messy cuz every song the seating arrangement was different. sooo weird la!! had a really hard time rememebering where i was supposed to sit for each song. lol.

waiting time was very long too... so us SPSE people just took lots of random photos!! hee... the photo thing was quite fun cuz elson and YX were doing alot of stupid acts. lol..

_______________________________________________________________________

status update:
cheryl is gonna stay single for a long long time. i can feel it.

flurry of activities

2007-06-16T02:19:00.000+08:00

slackest job ever in my life yet. haha.. and quite welfare actually. me and nette decided it was way better than the barnacles opening. well worth being drenched while on the way to work this morning! haha..
then met cai and gang for lunch. nice to see them all again. funny bunch.
and back home for more business work. was so tired that i KOed on my sofa for a full hour or so. until bobby had to drag me up to work. haha. sorry bobbieeee.

and back to town AGAIN for the second time to meet jq for dinner then watched a nice late night movie. and its been a long time since i've been sent home on a bus. haha... since driving usually means a lone ride home.

ah well.

status update:
cheryl is tired. very.
looking forward to the meeting tml.
and the next pending job on 5th july =)

sleepy....

2007-06-15T01:32:00.000+08:00

finally got the hang of next sat's concert pieces! not many pieces but shift from second to first violin means alots of changes in finger positioning. suupppper tired!
but i cant sleep cuz i'm on the phone with marvin and he refuses to take a cab home to put my mind at peace. And he's updating me on the roads he's on. always like to walk home one. weird guy leh u best friend!!!
somemore u know i have a phobia of letting my friends walk home like that. I dont like to know my friends are on the road homw. I guess bad experience stays for a long long time.

me: Haiz... best friend...... take a cab home...
Marv: soon soon soon...
me: whey...
Marv: *and marvin starts singing*

totally being ignored lo! irritating... haha...

ah well...i'll be up typing nonsense til the dear boy reaches home.

gonna be a busy day tml too! work in the morning, then lunch date with cai, then work, then dinner date with jq. busy busy!

-status update-
embracing singlehood.
and putting down a year-long burden cuz nothing's gonna happen
and its not worth continuing to be sad over.

reflecting...

2007-06-14T14:37:00.000+08:00

Its been a confusing few days. But i've finally made up my mind. nothing's gonna affect me. Just gonna tie up my emotional baggage and get rid of it. I've carried that whole sack of emotions for too long and its getting really heavy.
Plus, i've got loads to do. Need to get more jobs, need to settle my new business and violin and salsa etc etc... haha.. whatever that will come along will come along.
so let sleeping dogs lie and get on with my life.

and i've got really good friends anywayz. it makes up for everything. especially marvin!! my bestest ever friend in NUS.

and more recently, xiao bao and cai cai!

actually met up with cai cai last night. took me for a walk around the east coast lagoon. really nice place. quiet and windy and peaceful =) had a very long chat with him too!

i love my friends.

Stringfever-History of music

2007-06-12T22:14:00.001+08:00

niceeeeeee

packed!~

2007-06-11T00:22:00.000+08:00

been having a very screwed up body clock lately.. haha.. first, a gathering at my place on friday.. was quite nice actually. had alot of fun and everyone was quite chatty. well most of everyone. gonna have a regular gathering.. xiao bao in charge. muaha. its thanks to him actually. very efficient at jioing people to come for gathering. only that we decided we shouldnt do "sleep"-overs too much cuz everybody's gonna be just too tired to have fun towards the end. not very healthy living.

its been a happening few days rather. had a long chat with a friend last night. quite a long while since we had such a long chat and i'm glad there was still stuff to chat about. ended up sleeping at like, 5am.. haha.. which also explains the screwed up timing.

more to do suddenly.. filling my schedule with plans to do stuff so i dont have to think too much about things. i went to join NP as a guest player for their upcoming concert so got lots to practice. plus my own ensemble pieces and exam pieces. plus, practice for oweek performance as suggested by ryan.

and thats not just it.. haha.. that was only violin... went for my first salsa lesson today too!. really interesting. i had fun! everyone should try it actually..

i'm tired. and i'm typing in bits and pieces.

2007-06-08T00:33:00.000+08:00

life feels like a maze. sometimes you see a through road... then it ends up being a dead end. i dont know what to do anymore. i dont have a compass. and i dont wanna walk into another no-through road. i think i'll just sit here and wait. either for the maze to wither away or myself.

i'm not gonna do anything anymore. i'll still be here as always... but just dun wanna hurt myself anymore.

what age do you act?

2007-06-07T23:41:00.000+08:00

tried this online test thingy... haha... apparently i act like my actual age. Dunno how true it is though... :p was thinking alot of stuff over the past few weeks... made up my mind to stop thinking and just let things go however it wants... save the heartache, save the headache. haha.

You Are 21 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatagequiz/">What<\a> Age Do You Act?

I THINK I

2007-06-05T16:49:00.001+08:00

this says alot...

그럴리 없다고 아닐꺼라고 믿었죠 um-
내가 그댈 사랑한단 이말도 안되죠 um-
괜한 질투일꺼라고 내가 외로운가보다고
자신을 속여봤지만 이제 더는 난 감출수가 없는걸요
-I Think I Love You 그런가봐요
- Cause I Miss You 그대만 없으면
난 아무것도 못하고 자꾸생각나고
이런걸 보면 아무래도-
I`m Falling For You 난 몰랐지만-
Now I Need You 어느샌가 내 맘 깊은곳에 아주
크게 자리잡은 그대의 모습을 이젠 보아요~ um-

-간주중-

우린 안어울린다고 친구 그게 딱 좋다고 um-
하나부터 열개 도대체 뭐 한개라도 맞는게 없는데-
어떻게사귈 수있냐고 말도안돼는얘기라고
말하며 둘러 댔지만 이제더는 난 그러기가싫은걸요-
I Think I Love You 그런가봐요-
Cause I Miss You 그대만 없으면
난 아무것도 못하고 자꾸생각나고
이런걸 보면 아무래도-
I`m Falling For You 난 몰랐지만-
Now I Need You 어느샌가 내 맘 깊은곳에 아주
크게 자리잡은 그대의 모습을 이젠 보아요~ Hoo~
왜 몰랐죠 그대라는걸 Woo~
왜 못봤죠 바로 앞인데~~Hoo~yeh-
그 동안 이렇게 바로 내곁에 있었는데
왜 이제서야 사랑이 보이는건지~~Hoo-
I Think I Love You 그런가봐요-
Cause I Miss You 그대만 없으면
난아무것도 못하고 자꾸생각나고
이런걸 보면 아무래도-
I`m Falling For You [Falling For You] 난 몰랐지만-
Now I Need You [Now I Need You] 어느샌가 내 맘 깊은곳에 아주
크게 자리잡은 그대의 모습을 이젠 보아요~

this is all and everything to say. =)

its a really nice song. enjoy!

surviving on memories

2007-06-05T12:59:00.000+08:00

there's a lot of room for the mind to run wild when communication ceases to exist. i know cuz i've seen that happen to many people, yet i become a victim myself. its so easy to fall prey to the workings of your own mind.

in times of rationale, true feelings are masked. in times of emotional unstability, true emotions are revealed.

Somewhat true.

heaven loves playing jokes on people. he took seng away to make me realise just how much i loved him. now what...

I worry because i care. And when i do, i just wanna know everything. what you're doing, where you are, how you're feeling. the only reason why i care so much is cuz you mean the universe to me and more.

but sometimes caring too much only causes hurt to yourself.

a rationale person would think, dont bother anymore. Never love anyone more than yourself, or never love anyone who doesnt love you back. A rationale person would rather not do anything and put on a happy front while slowly waiting for the pain to subside.

2007-06-03T20:23:00.000+08:00

saw partner on the road.... again!! its like the only place i ever meet partner unplanned. just on the road. hahah.. be it at 3am, at marina or just on the expressway... always always see my partner! haha. and i have the habit of messaging him just to disturb him. quite a coincidence everytime, its funny.

thanks for the lovely company yesterday guardian angel!! hee.. finally got to meet up after 2 semesters!! dun be too stressed over rag yeah!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

i've stopped calling ppl when i cry.

i've stopped seeking comfort in friends.

cuz there's no one to call.

and maybe there's nothing left to say

Would you be there

2007-06-02T22:06:00.000+08:00

If I were blue, would you be there for me,
And whisper in my ears that's ok.
Would you stand by me, let me hold you tight,
And say you love me one more time.

If I feel good, would you slow dance with me,
And touch my lips with tender loving care,
Would you die for me, would you run with me,
And never look back..

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,to take my breath away?

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,to take my breath away?

Would you be there..

If I were red, would you still think of me,
And wish that you could hold me now?
Would you die for me, would you run with me all the way?
Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one, to take my breath away?

Would you be there to save my soul tonight?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be there, to kiss my pain away?

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one, to take my breath away?
Would you be there to save my soul tonight?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be there to kiss my pain away?

Would you be there for me~

pmsss

2007-06-02T03:15:00.000+08:00

hmm.. i think people reading my blog can tell when i'm having pms.

oops.

2007-06-02T01:08:00.000+08:00

thanks for chatting with me today ryan.
thanks for the really sweet sms too xiaoshan.
and thanks partner for the sweet surprise!

3 friends just made my day =)

that's three very good reasons to be happy about!

4 months... and more.

2007-06-02T00:50:00.000+08:00

had a super slack day... stayed home and literally didnt do anything for the whole day. then went swimming cuz i didnt want to be at home alone... had dinner at the market near my place. thankfully ryan came to join me... if not i would have died. haha.. was a little down today... talked to ryan and we realised we're quite similar in some aspects. haha.. learning from each other might be good. didnt wanna go home so early so went to a park for a chat. dunno why, thought of alot od things, seng too, and i ended up crying quite a bit. i realise my emotions seem to be very dependant on people close to me. little things affect me alot. too much in fact. i dont know why it affects me so much, i dont know why i care so much. maybe loss has made me afraid. i just dont want to lose anyone close anymore. but it seems like the closer you hold, the further it tries to get away.
i'm tired. i'm tired of feeling sad. i will be happy from now. i'll find something to be happy about everyday. i will be a happy me.

---------------------------------------------------------------

i thought, unloved people need hugs.
you thought, happiness is what you find.
i said, my greatest fear is loss, especially someone dear to me
you said, you need to be more independant
i felt, i dont want to always feel so emotional
you felt, you needed to be away
i guess, i should just let it be.

a bit of everything so far.

2007-06-01T00:36:00.000+08:00

i'm back!

first of all, apologies for the very emotionally packed posts while overseas. too much time away from much loved friends does make one emotionally unstable. speaking of which, i realise that this eventful semester has brought me into a totally different depth of emotional trauma. Never ever felt so unstable before. i know myself to be someone who needs time to adapt to new environments, but this, is just a different issue altogether.

i know i need to face up to the truth, that nothing can ever be done. fate has been sealed. yet this nagging feeling never leaves. sometimes it feels like this large empty hole that can never be filled up. losing seng really hurt, and it still does.

the after effects just made me a hell lot more emotionally dependant than ever. my deepest apologies to marvin. i think i made your life hell. but at the same time, thanks for being there all along and never giving up on me. i really dunno what to do without you. really.

and Xiao Shan of course, faithful blog reader and friend.... thanks for the virtual hugs and appreciative comments. it may not seem much to you but little thoughtful gestures like that mean the world to me. HUGSSS** =)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

crippled by a fatal accident. it was the crutch that made movement possible, that gave hope of ever walking again. the crutch has been dependable, yet it is weary from the weight of the cripple. maybe its time to try standing, try walking slowly. the legs are still weak, and yearn for the support of the trustworthy crutch. and even if the cripple could walk again, it would miss the crutch too much cuz they went through the most difficult times together. the sentimental value is too great. how's the cripple ever gonna be able to walk but yet keep the crutch by its side?

it seems almost impossible.

2007-05-27T23:24:00.000+08:00

i miss you. the load of emotions behind these 3 simple words seems too much for one to comphrehend. expectation that the receiver will feel it and reciprocate? that may seem too much to ask. maybe sometimes, the person you miss doesnt miss you at all. what are you gonna do then?

story of a little fish

2007-05-27T21:56:00.000+08:00

there was a little fish who had a good o crab as a friend. the only trustworthy friend it had in the whole tank of little fish, and they stayed at the bottom of the tank cosy with life. the crab was the little fish's only consolation. the little fish had a hard time. tears were washed away by the surrounding waters and gone unnoticed. except for the crab. it had seen the tears of the little fish, and went through difficult times, all the while standing by the little fish. it seemed however, that the crab started to make more friends than it thought it would. and it gradually migrated to the top of the reef, leaving the little fish alone at the bottom of the tank. the little fish wanted to feel glad for the crab. the crab seemed happy with its new found school of friends at the top of the reef. but somehow, the little fish didnt feel as glad as it ought to. it felt like the crab had forgotten the little fish. the crab seemed too busy making merry to remember the little fish.
the fish didnt like lonliness and the silence that came along with it.

but the little fish is alone.

nevertheless, the little fish will wait by the bottom of the tank and hide away in the coral til its good friend the crab comes back.

so cheated...

2007-05-25T20:39:00.000+08:00

went shopping today at dongmen and kena cheated of 100 rmb!!! stupid woman gave me a fake 100 note. second time i've been duped in dongmen. damn irritated.
somemore kena suan by my dad when i told him about it. say that only stupid tourists will kena cheat. haha... i think i'm just too gullible la. next time come china shopping gotta be more aggressive since these china people dont give face anywayz.

actually the service can be quite good. the eatery especially. super efficient la!! crowded with people but they actually manage to give us a seat on the spot. zai one. plus the food is GOOD!!! haha... imagine la, me and yongz ordered xiao long bao. it cost us only 6 RMB for 5, thats like 25 cents in singapore for each xiao long bao la.... and it tastes as good as those from ding tai feng or crystal jade la!!! but then again, xiao long baos come from china... muaha... by right should be cheaper la.

i love shopping in china!!!!!!!!!!!!! except the cheats of course.

In China

2007-05-24T23:43:00.000+08:00

yay... in china for a week!! supposed to come with jeff too but he fly aeroplane... and it's so weird with yongz just tagging along.. and he hates shopping la..

not bad la.. having a friend around makes the trip alot more funny. cuz yongz is damn cock. hee.. plus makes the train and plane rides seem shorter.

and we bio pretty babes together lo! took a photo.. i should upload it soon. haha... yongz is going crazy over her la... say she looks a bit like xiao jun, but i think xiao jun sweeter.

haha.. ok i'm going cranky here and yongz is nagging me...

love hurts

2007-05-04T22:39:00.000+08:00

been going out alot lately... too much infact... by the time i reach home every night its at least 3 am in the morn.
went out with pan and daniel yesterday to acid bar. been hanging out with pan alot and i think she's a really funky girl.. straightforward.. which is really nice cuz most girls are'nt like that. i'm just hoping that whatever i encountered so far with girls wont happen again.. i'll be really sad if anything like that happens.
anywayz, daniel was wearing the perfume that seng always wore... haa.. i was sitting beside daniel so the smell was quite strong. suddenly felt really really sad and just broke down. the pain never seemed to go away...
i couldnt listen to pan and daniel talk.. too engrossed in my own thoughts.. think daniel was telling pan about his stuff so i just sat at the other corner to cry everything out.
ha.. super down.. wasnt in the mood to have fun yesterday...
i miss seng... he'll always be someone special to me. its like, some times i cant get over the fact that he's gone.. and i really dunno what to do without him.. i need seng around.. i miss his hugs... i miss him too much too much...

activities!!!

2007-05-02T03:21:00.000+08:00

yay! exams are over and i'm finally getting a life!
went for badminton with marvin, yi ning, ywee tat, ryan and hong chang after the IT paper. so fun!! its been a long while since i last played badminton... now my butt aches when i walk and i cant walk properly. my right arm doesnt seem to be working either.
haha.. then after that went bonding with addition of pan, yongz, the two kennies and weibao... ended up at st james instead of wala wala... quite cool actually. mass bonding session with people i didnt really know... plus supper at geylang after that!! actually we were all pretty tired but its worth it cuz exams are FINALLY over! so die die muz go out til late.. haha..
what a line up of bonding sessions... we met up again to play board games at the MIND cafe. so funny.. marvin totally spoil market la... but it was quite fun. and hong chang.. seriously... i never realised he's so good at taboo.. hahah..
oh and there was some bonding with pan.. which was really nice cuz i dun have many girlfriends... so hopefully what i dread wont happen.. i really want nice girlfriends i can hang out with.. oh and its her birthday like now anywayz... which means another bonding session later!!!
haha.. we are soooooo happening!!

i hope this keeps up for the whole hols... haha... entertaining =)

mugging at kit's

2007-04-29T02:09:00.000+08:00

Pic 1: dinner at ikea
Pic 2: Partner's very very dirty car....
Pic 3: its raining car wash water!!!!

fun and memorable times from mugging at partner's place!

studied overnight, had wai kit's dim sum delivery for supper *yum yum* super nice!! washed his dirty car, then washed my not-so-dirty car... talk alot of cock...

FUN!!!

i wanna stop blogging bout exams

2007-04-29T02:00:00.000+08:00

oh yeahhhh..... exams are sooo gonna be over!!! actually exams havent exactly been going well... i can kiss my cap good bye. i'll be surprised if i can even get a 3 and above this sem. oh well... nothing i can do about it. study hard for IT paper lo...

then again, i'm a total IT idiot. i didnt get my dad's IT genes... so how? open book also no use... haha.. but its okay.. happy cheryl is coming back cuz no more exam stress and no more pms.
gotta deal with the emotional part then.

my after-exam-to do list:
- go learn baking or desserts or something
- fulfil that two hour violin practice everyday
- find someone to go learn diving with me
- learn korean
- force ryan to practice his cello together

cant think of anymore. i need more stuff to do.

2007-04-25T15:04:00.001+08:00

stressed. suicidal. about to take action.

exam stresssss

2007-04-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

marketing paper is over and i am sooo screwed. squashed at the very bottom of the bell curve, you'll find me.

totally no mood for FNA and especially macro.

my macro is crispier than KFC. and i'm gonna be refrying it on friday.

complain somemore...

2007-04-19T23:44:00.000+08:00

so caught up in complaining about english that i forgot to just put in an entry for today.. just for the heck of it. here goes...

dear blog,

i decided not to talk to marvin (my best friend) cuz i realised he's not been that nice to me. seriously, comparing the way he treats (ehem) last time and the way he's treating me... i think its not fair. after all, i am soooo super nice to him!!! and i get the hostile treatment. wow.. how great is that... i shall try my hardest to believe that the closer friend u are to him, the more hostile he is to you. after, its been proven by that online thingy he was showing me.

then again, mr khoo got really really pissed afterward about other private issues that are not to be named, so i guess i better talk to him if not he'll just go bonkers. already cranky at this period of time.. what to do... marvin you're my best friend... wanna ignore u also cannot... haiz... please realise from this point that cheryl is very nice to you.

*i shall personally make you read this blog post*

enough crankiness for today.... arghhhh... exam tml..... darn....

ENGLISH!!

2007-04-19T23:37:00.000+08:00

pengz... its my first paper tml and i TOTALLY NEVER STUDY!!!

then again, its english paper... seriously, i have no idea why i had to endure that one semester of gruelling english lessons just because i failed QET!! Just because i'm a poly student, they think my english is really that bad?! they FAILED me!!! what the... and the thing is, poor cheryl has then to go through the entire semester of learning how to write introductions, body paragraphs and conclusions.. which actually aim to "prepare" you for the final exam, which turns out to be nothing but a QET! i mean, its the exact same format as the QET, so its as well as taking up 4 hours of my time every week for like, 13 weeks, just so i get a second try at QET (which is sooo formally known as "final exam"). oh well.... it ends tml... so i'm pretty much done complaining about the paper.

my first post...

2007-04-17T12:45:00.000+08:00

it is now tuesday and 3 days to my first paper... why i'm still so slack i really have no idea.
the past few months have been tormenting, too much for my poor soul to take.
i dun wanna take exams.. i dun wanna be here anymore... whatever happened to the cheerful cheryl?